THE PROBLEM CONTINUUM
Let us think of issues as being made up of continuums that consists of two end points instead of being divided into categories that each consists of one group. If everything is defined by categories, then in a black-and-white way, something either fits into a category or it does not fit in that category. If everything is made up of continuums, then something can partially fit into a category and can partially not fit into that category. A little more abstractly, something might even be able to move back and forth along that continuum, or move in and out of how much its fits into a category in a fluctuating manner.
Now let us consider the continuum of how aware that we might be of a problem. How well are we able to step outside of a situation and look back at a problem? Or how much does the problem blend in and appear to be invisible to us?
Problem is Invisible Problem is Obvious
First consider the situation where an attitude or a type of behavior is part of your culture or is part of your family patterns, then it is likely that it may be so normal to you that it would blend in, and it would appear invisible to you. Then consider an attitude or a type of behavior that is very foreign to your experience. This foreign behavior might be experienced as an irritation, and it might standout to you in an exaggerated way.
Now we are going to run into difficulty trying to look at a problem that is part of us or that is too close to us. In a family, if the members of the family have similar temperaments, then it is likely that the patterns within that family will be invisible to the most of the family members. That means that they will continue to act out those patterns, but that they will not be able to see that they are doing anything. Likewise, if they can not see that they are doing anything, then they will not be able to make any change. They will be destined to spinning around in the same loop endlessly.
The challenge to you is for you to be able to see something in your life that is invisible to you. Until you can see the symptoms or the effect, you will not be able to listen to anybody tell you about it, and you will not be able to do anything about.